Just keep walking...

As promised, first a review of my Fitbit...

I've had my Fitbit for about four weeks and so far so good! It's not a magic bullet and I haven't lost 30 lbs. in the last three weeks, but I really think it's helping to motivate me to move more. I find myself checking my status -- how many steps have I taken? How many stairs have I climbed? Have I been active for at least 30 minutes today? And, those are good things.  I wish it was a miracle gadget that once in use the weight was just shedding itself in a pool around my feet. It's not. But, what it is, I think, is a wonderful tool to help me shed those pounds over time.

Here's my attempt at "screen capturing" what my dashboard looks like (almost):

As you can see, it keeps track of so much!  The screens are fairly self-explanatory - but I love that it keeps track of my active minutes, steps, calories burned v. calories eaten -- so many good things about this tracker. Oh, and then there's the "gamification" - my husband is my Fitbit "friend." On this screen I can see what his total steps for the week are and where I am in comparison. Well, he always beats me -- I swear it's because he's taller than me and it counts his steps double :) At least that's what I tell myself :)

I lost 2.5 lbs. in the first week -- AMAZING!! I was so excited to see those lower numbers on the scale! But, alas, the 2nd week wasn't as amazing. In fact, according to the scale, I didn't lose an ounce that week. But, I was hoping that that meant other things were going on. My mother saw me, on Mother's Day, after not having seen me since Easter and she said I looked like I'd lost a few pounds. And, she wasn't aware that I was back on my weight loss agenda -- so that was nice. She noticed that I looked "healthier."

Then, Mother's Day weekend repercussions hit and all I can say is "ugh." Even though my family and I went on a very lengthy hike in one of our beautiful state parks - almost 8 miles - I still managed to gain back 2 of the 2.5 lbs. lost. Talk about depressing! But, that's what happens when you eat sushi rolls and Chinese food one night and follow it up with a very wonderful Italian restaurant the next. So much for the thought that I earned my indulgences. But, the only thing I could do was move on.

And, move on I did. Back to the gym, back to walking daily, back to making 10,000 steps per day and back to logging all of my food. And, now I am happy to say that those 2lbs. gained are gone and another pound to boot. I'm now down 3.5 lbs since starting this journey. Like I said, the pounds are not melting off, but I'm happy they're at least steaming away slowly :)

So, all in all, I have found that the Fitbit is definitely the motivator I need to get me moving, to get me watching what I eat, to really think about what I'm doing to make myself healthy. And, ultimately, it isn't about being skinny - oh, who am I kidding--yes, it is - but it's also about being healthy. I have two teenage sons who I want to see grow up. I want to be around when they go to college, I want to be around when they graduate, when they get married, start their own families, have children of their own. I want to do everything in my power to stay healthy. Oh, and being skinny won't be so bad either :)

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Everyday we tell ourselves little white lies. Well, I do anyway. Tomorrow, I'll spend more time at the gym; tomorrow, I'll clean up the office/craft room/school room; tomorrow I won't eat any candy ... and on and on. I guess this falls under the term procrastination, but let's face it -- I'm lying to myself. I tell myself I'm going to do something but, let's be honest, I probably have no intention of getting it done. Maybe some of you can relate?  We may think we'll do it (whatever it is -- and we all have an "it") and maybe some of us will eventually get to it, but if you're like me, it stays on the back burner, especially cleaning that office :)

So, how do we motivate ourselves to change? I'm not sure. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I am the queen of procrastination. It constantly irks me when my high schooler doesn't plan out his homework assignments and leaves tons of work to get done right before their due date. But, I know exactly where he's gotten this habit from -- me! My husband isn't like this. He's the type of person who sets out to do something and nine times out of ten, he will go ahead and get it done because he just wants to get "it" out of the way. Not me, I'm always thinking maybe I'll have more energy to get it done tomorrow. I don't really have to do that right now. Maybe magical faeries will descend upon my home and do "it" for me :) Why do I do this? Is it something inherent in my DNA? Is it just part of my personality? Is it something I can change about myself?

I started thinking about this today because I'm once again struggling with my weight. Back in 2008 - 2010 I lost about 40 pounds. My father, who was not overweight, had a stroke and this scared me. I always thought he was healthy. Well, healthy for someone who smoked more than a pack of cigarettes per day and was a strictly meat and potatoes, with high fat desserts on the side, kind of guy. On top of my Dad's health scare, my husband and I were in the process of planning a family trip to Europe to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. So, I was completely motivated. I went to the gym. Many days I worked out for two hours at a time. I ate right, I counted calories, I reduced my wine intake to only a couple of glasses per week, etc, etc. I was fairly religious in my diligence.The weight came off, slowly, and it was hard work, but it did come off.

When we returned from our trip, I still went to the gym, but not as religiously. I thought "if I just get there a few times per week," the weight would, at least, stay off. And, for a while it did. But then I got lazy and I went to the gym less often. I stopped counting calories. I stopped eating well. I like food. I like wine. I like hanging with friends and family on the weekends and eating pizza and drinking wine. I have a complete weakness for cheese. So, you can see where this is going. I gained weight. Not all at once, it's crept on slowly. But here I am, four years later, I've gained back 20 pounds. Ugh.

We recently went to Myrtle Beach for a long weekend and I felt disgusting. But, has this been the motivation I need to get back to the gym? Maybe, maybe not. I went several times in the week that followed. I started watching what I eat, logging my exercise and food intake. But, at the end of one week -- I had not lost one ounce!! It's frustrating to feel like you've worked hard, or harder than you have in a long time, and not see any results. I know the weight is not miraculously going to disappear overnight. I know I didn't gain it overnight, so I don't expect to lose it that quickly either. But, I was hoping for, at the very least, a half pound loss. But, nothing. The scale did not move. I realize that there are probably things going on internally that aren't visible on the scale -- but I want to see pounds shedding!

So, how do I stay motivated to stay on program? To be honest, I'm struggling with this right now. I find myself feeling disgusted and the more I get disgusted, the more upset I am, the more upset I am, the less motivated I feel, the less motivated I feel, the less I feel like going to the gym which then leads to feeling more and more disgusted. You see the never-ending cycle?

Motivation, where do you get it from? We all have motivators whether they be external - that trip you've been planning, an upcoming wedding, high school or college reunion, etc. External motivators can be a huge kick in the butt. But, I think, in order to make the type of changes in lifestyle, that promote long-term weight loss goals or long term health changes (or whatever you're trying to change), these motivators come from inside. They are small (or big) mental changes that need to be made, over time, to be successful and long lasting.

Okay, so the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I need help! There, I said it. I'm not typically one who asks for or seeks out help. I'm more of a do-it-yourself kinda gal. But, this time I need help. I need inspiration. I need motivation. I have two big trips coming up next year (external motivators). One is to Europe with my oldest son's high school class. The other is to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary -- we'll be cruising DCL in June.  Now, the internal motivators need to fall into place. Another truth -- I'm really hoping blogging about my struggles will help motivate me to change. So, there's my truth -- I'm overweight and unhappy. Now, I'm off to make a healthy choice for dinner.